My dad’s birthday is in June—it’s today actually. It’s been more than 8 years since he passed, and I’ve started to develop a sort of grieving ritual for the months of May and June. He passed on May 2, and between Memorial Day, his birthday, and Father’s Day, this time of the year is when I miss him the most.
The year after my dad passed, I listened only to the Beatles and the Beegees—a way to connect with songs my dad enjoyed. I listened to them so much that my son’s first song he sang was “Hey Jude” (he was 18 months and had the chorus down😂), and my daughter’s favorite song (she was 4) was St. Pepper’s Lonely Heart Club. She even made up a choreographed dance to go along with it.
Over the next few years, I added more songs to this playlist: Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Rolling Stones, the Temptations, James Taylor, Carole King, the Carpenters, Simon & Garfunkel, the Monkees, Stevie Nicks, the Lovin Spoonful, Three Dog Night, ABBA, The Beach Boys, the Monkees. This hours long playlist became a staple for me at the beginning of every summer. It didn’t realize it at first, but my 1960’s-1970’s playlist became a way to connect with my dad every May & June. A way to understand some of his favorite music and learn more about the things that were popular when he was younger.
My dad was drafted into the Vietnam War in 1966 but was exempt from service because he was already serving in the Air Force in Germany. He served from 1966-1970, a time when the tide of support for the military shifted—the American voice became predominately opposed to the Vietnam War, but American men were still forced to serve in the military. It was a hard time to be in the military—no warm welcome upon return. I remember my dad telling me about how rude and disrespectful people were to him when he wore his military uniform.
Due to an injury, my dad was honorably discharged from service in 1970. In addition to that, while in Germany, he worked daily with radioactive materials as part of his responsibilities. We don’t know for sure, but we wonder if my dad developed his blood disease and cancer from the radiation exposure he received as part of his Air Force duties and all of the radiation he experienced.
At the end of his service, my dad received an Air Force Commendation Medal for his exceptional service. His Captain noted that my dad took his responsibility to his country and fellow man very seriously. As a teen, my parents took me to meet my dad’s old Air Force Captain. The Captain invited us into his home and praised my dad highly. I still have my dad’s military paperwork, test scores, and written recommendations from his leadership describing what a smart and dedicated worker he was. He sacrificed in the Air Force, and I’m so proud of him. I’m proud to be his daughter.
As my connection to this 70’s music developed, I wanted to see some of these artist in concert. I’ve been to 8 live concerts in my life, and 5 of them were artists from the 70’s: James Taylor, Jackson Brown, The Rolling Stones, Stevie Nicks, and Billy Joel. My kids got to come to The Rolling Stones concert (it was their first concert), and it was such a treat to take them, especially since my dad got to see them in London in the late 60’s.
In her new release of “The Women,” Kristen Hannah wrote that “remembrance mattered.” The Vietnam Veterans in her book were able to heal emotionally when people remembered and acknowledged their losses and experiences. And maybe that’s why I’m writing today. Remembrance matters. Or as Ernest Hemingway is quoted to say, “Every man has two deaths, when he is buried in the ground and the last time someone says his name. In some ways men can be immortal.” So maybe that’s why I’m writing. To keep talking about my dad (his name is Richard Norman, by the way). To keep his memory alive. And that’s why I eat key lime pie on his birthday and listen to 70’s music. That’s why June is always about 60’s & 70’s music for me, and I’m excited to share that with you here, as I just launched the Heirloom Club this past Monday.
The Heirloom club membership program is designed to help make family history easy, fun, and pretty. To make it more accessible for people in my generation—I realize that I’m one of the only people in their mid-30’s who cares about family history. Probably due to my existential crises and losing my dad at a young-ish age. But honestly, many people in their 30’s are busy with work & young children—who has time or care for family history?
But my experience as a Marriage Family Therapist has taught me that family patterns are unintentionally repeated, even when we’re trying not to repeat them. For example, maybe we maybe we don’t cope with alcohol like our ancestor did, but we likely have a similar pattern of avoiding our emotions. But we can change our family patterns as we become aware of them—as we learn about our family history. None of us wants to repeat the mistakes of our ancestors, but if we aren’t intentional about learning from them, we will likely repeat the same patterns in different ways.
In the Heirloom Club, I’m combining my experience as a Marriage Family Therapist with ancestry to help you connect with your family history and become a better individual and family member. Each month, we focus on learning about an ancestor from a different decade…starting with…of course…the 1970’s. It is June after all. I’ve got all the tools and resources to help make family history easy and enjoyable for you and your family. Check out all the details here.